I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
