Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
