it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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