Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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