He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
