I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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