I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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