She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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