I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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