I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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