I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
