I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
