I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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