my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
