Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
