Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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