I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
