dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
