I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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