There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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