Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
