You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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