I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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