Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
