there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
