I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
