Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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