What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
