My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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