it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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