I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
