I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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