apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
