okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
