she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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