ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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