apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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