How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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