I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
