i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
