hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
