drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
