Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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