I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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