So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
