i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
