do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
