last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girls should come with a carfax report
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
