I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
