i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
